1. Pour cold apple juice on the carpet in several places and walk around barefoot in the dark. 2. Wear a sock to work that has had the toes shredded by a blender. 3. Immediately upon waking, stand outside in the dark and in the rain for at least 20 minutes saying, "Be a good puppy, go potty now - hurry up - come on, lets go!" 4. Cover all your best suits with dog hair. Dark suits must use white hair, and light suits must use dark hair. Also float some hair in your first cup of coffee in the morning. 5. Play "catch" with a wet tennis ball. 6. Run out in the snow in your bare feet and underwear to close the gate. 7. Tip over a basket of clean laundry, scatter clothing all over the floor. 8. Leave your underwear on the living room floor, because that's where the dog will drag it anyway. (Especially when you have company.) 9. Jump out of your chair shortly before the end of your favorite TV program and run to the door shouting, "No no! Do that OUTSIDE!" Miss the end of the program. 10. Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the morning. Don't try to clean it up until you return from work that evening. 11. Gouge the leg of the dinning room table several times with a screwdriver - it's going to get chewed on anyway. If this sounds a bit overwhelming, especially if you work full-time, you may want to consider adopting an adult dog: http://www.raot.org/information/10_reasons_to_adopt_an_adult_dog.htm Of course, there is something a puppy can do, at least initially, better than an adult dog: Take a warm, cuddly blanket out of the dryer and wrap yourself in it immediately. This is the feeling you get when a puppy falls asleep on your lap. Be sure to have someone help you return to reality by having them throw a bucket of ice water on you.... then read 1 through 11 again! | 